Family Constellation has the benefit of representing the relationships between the family members in a visual way, thereby making the family system as a whole visible. Relationship patterns or conflicts that the client was not aware of before are revealed. Like the relationship of parents to children, of children to parents and the entanglements of the original or present family.



Our lives are strongly influenced by commitments or feelings of guilt towards other family members. Often unconsciously, taken over by others, sometimes already dead relatives. Family problems such as guilt and family secrets, recurring diseases, fates, murder, war, death etc. Inner blockages, which appear in the form of diseases, paralyzing life patterns or psychological abysses, such as depression, longing for death and much more.



Original Hellinger® Family Constellation brings the entanglements in systems of families of origin or present ones to the surface in order to solve them. Life assistance on topics like:


It has been shown that abortion is not just a matter for the parents and that it does not directly affect the children. It also has an effect on the other children.

Therefore, these children, consciously or unconsciously, have great fear of their mother. Mothers experience a great power, the power over life and death. They give life to the children, nourish and protect them. They are completely in the service of life. Women experience this as a great strength and power.

This sometimes tempts them to think that they have power over death too. That they are not only in the service of life, but that they can behave as if they had power over life and death. This is particularly evident in abortion.

Of course the fathers are also involved, but not in the same way as women. As a result, not only the children, but also the men are often afraid of the women, with far-reaching consequences.

Now back to abortion. I had thought that abortion could not be put on the same level as murder. That it would not have the same consequences as a murder. But it has been shown that abortion has similar consequences to murder. That is why the first thing is that the woman and, of course, the man, even if he was in favor of abortion, must admit that they have murdered the child. That seems very harsh. But I have seen, when in a constellation the mother says to the aborted child: "I murdered you", that suddenly everyone feels better. Nothing is embellished anymore. Only when this is acknowledged and also felt in the soul, there is a solution, a certain solution.

The first consequence of abortion is that the relationship with the man is usually over. It is no longer the same as before. With the child the man is also aborted. If both consent, they abort their relationship with the child.

Then the need for balance is active. The woman above all, but very often the man, atones for the abortion with death. They have the idea that they should die, not that they always do. That is why the mother is drawn to the aborted children. If she resists, a child does it for her. Then a child is pulled towards death.

There's something else connected to abortion. With abortion the woman and the man lose something of their soul. And the woman loses something of her body, like when a limb is amputated. She is now searching for her lost soul and for the lost part of her body. That is why she is also drawn to the children towards death.

There is no solution to this within the Family Constellation. We see this and can only say, "That's how it is."

But now there is also something beyond Family Constellation, another level. Can someone really kill another person? Do we really have power over another person's life? Does the mother really have power over the life of her children? Is that how they are removed, so to speak? Are they gone?

Nothing can be gone. There is a greater power over life and death. In this power the children are saved, also the aborted children. They're still present.

Now the woman can entrust these children to this greater power.

A baby from an affair

What goes on in women who do not know who their child is from?

This is a terrible situation for them. The women are restless and insecure. Actually, the only thing that helps is the truth, which can be found out with a paternity test.

How does a man feel when he finds out that the children aren't his own?

The man is deeply shaken in his ideas of faithfulness and trust. Nevertheless, many men quickly want to return to normal life. Either they break off contact with the woman or they try to forgive her for the affair and then, as if nothing had happened, they can go on living with her.
Does the relationship have a future?

If someone has a child in a marriage with a third person, the future lies with the new family, in this case with the wife and the father of the child. If the woman and her husband still stay together, she must acknowledge that she has hurt him. The husband needs time to process the situation. The woman can try to make up for the breach of trust with a special love. Couples who have gone through this process are more a respectful, serious and grateful to each other. 

Should the child learn the truth?

Yes, as soon as possible. Otherwise it will grow up with a lie. This can later lead to insecurity, distrust and even delusional ideas and compulsive searching. We see time and again that these people can only break away from this once they have been informed about their origins. The truth must come to light. Then one can come to terms with the past and build a future. One should tell the child without drama that the father is not the biological father and that the mother had another boy-friend who is his father. Usually children can handle this better than adults think.

How can the man arrange the contact to the child of his wife?

The betrayed man should never assume the exclusive father role for the illegitimate child. It is better if he becomes an important reference person in a different way. If the man had been the social father who cared for and paid for the child for years, he should tell it: "I was gladly there for you and will continue to be there for you, but unfortunately I am not your biological father." This often develops into a very good relationship.

Parents and Children

Many parents worry about their children. Some come to us with their children. Who do we work with first? The parents, of course. The children carry something for their parents. After we work with the parents, the children feel good.

Many mothers have a special relationship with their daughter, with one of their daughters. This daughter has a very difficult time. Why? Because this daughter has to represent the mother of the mother. Then the mother expects the same from her daughter as from her own mother. The daughter has to take care of the mother instead of the mother taking care of the child. This happens where the mother has no respect for her own mother, where she has not taken her own mother. This then transfers to the child.

Many parents who are worried about their children can look beyond the children to the fate of the child and consent to this fate. The parents have no power over fate. But they often behave as if they had that power. Then they intervene in the fate of the child instead of respecting that fate.

Raising children

Every mother knows what her child needs.

The most important rule for any parenting is: You consent to the child just as it is. And you agree with its special purpose. This is different from what the mother or the parents have in mind, and everyone has their own destiny.

Of course, a child must also be raised so that it can live in society. What belongs to the rules of society must be taught. This is a mission and a requirement. If one wants to free the child from all duties and tasks, it becomes unfit to live. The comfortable life is not the full life.

With increasing age, parents must set limits for their children to be able to friction and mature. Demands are made on the children that prepare them for adult life.

Many children become angry with their parents because they prefer to maintain their original dependence. If the parents remain strong here and frustrate this expectation, they help their children to free themselves from their dependency and to act responsibly step by step. In this way, the children take their place in the world of adults and transform themselves from takers to givers.

Rejecting the Mother

"What happens to a person who rejects their mother?"

Their relationships are usually problematic and conflictual. Those who reject their mother expect their partner to replace them and give them what their mother did not give them.

Accepting the mother as she is is an acceptance of life as it is. It is a process of growth.  Whoever has taken their mother into their heart in this way is loved by others. It is very simple: to connect with her inwardly, to rejoice that she is there and that she is as she is.

The importance of the mother for the child is existential. When the child is hungry, he is fed. When it is thirsty it is given something to drink. When a child is sick, the mother cares for it. When it is sad, comforted, when it is angry, calmed.  The child has to accept everything, in the unconscious knowledge that this motherly care can never completely be compensated for.

An indirect balancing takes place when the child later passes on the gift given by the mother: to its partners, to its children.


The order of precedence among siblings is based on earlier or later.
Thus, the first child has precedence over the second, and so on.

The order that the former gives more and the latter takes more is also valid among siblings.

They who give have taken before, and they who take must also give later. Thus, the first child gives to the second and third, the second takes from the first and gives to the third, and the third takes from the first and second. The older child gives more and the younger child takes more. In return, the youngest child very often takes care of the parents in old age. It is also true that the one who has taken must honor the gift and the giver.

Difficult children

Basically there are only loving children and with them loving parents. The question is, what makes the loving children difficult? Difficult children have taken over something that does not belong to them. Usually it is a burden that their parents would have to carry, but they are overwhelmed.

Aggressive children for example are aggressive against death. They want to defeat death.

Hyperactive children usually look at a dead person whom the family is not looking at.

Through Family Constellation these children can be relieved of their burden.

Separation and Divorce

Many relationships end without there being a guilty party. The reason is often unresolved problems and violations of order in the families of origin.
In such a case the end of the relationship must be acknowledged. Otherwise the further development of the partners is prevented.

If the end of the relationship is not acknowledged by one of the partners, the other partner leaves anyway.

Even if the end of a relationship is actually already clear, some people think that they have to buy their separation by suffering for a long time. In a way, this is also true, because only when everyone has suffered for a certain period of time do they have the strength to separate. Only the grief and pain that the relationship did not succeed make it possible for a couple to separate. Then there are no more accusations, only pain.

A loving separation includes respect for the partner: "I have loved you very much and you have given me much. I will keep this. I have given you a lot too and you may keep it. For what went wrong between us, I take my share of responsibility and I leave you with your share. And now I'll leave you in peace."


Nowadays, fathers often fade into the background, especially when the wife keeps the children more attached to her and wants to raise them mainly in her own way.

Especially when she separates from her husband or is left by him. The reasons for this are varied, without being discussed or judged here. Rather, I look at the situation more from the outside, sharing my experiences about the father's place in the family in detail.

In the family there is a hierarchy according to which those who were there before have a higher place than those who came after them. In the family the man and the woman come at the same time. They found the family together. This means that they are equal in their position. None of them can rise above the other as if they themselves were more important or greater. In front of their children they are equally important and great in this respect. In addition, there is another order of precedence between man and woman. This is based on the function that the man and woman perform in the family. The first place is given to the function which enables the family to survive and provide security to the outside world, i.e. who is responsible for the livelihood. In earlier times this was primarily the father. From this point of view he had a higher position in this respect. This is shown by the fact that in a constellation, but also otherwise in life and in front of the public, he stands to the right of the woman. After them, to their left, in a constellation but also otherwise in life, the children come in the order of age, regardless of their sex. For example at the table but also otherwise when the family is together. It is especially important to observe the order of precedence when the man and the woman come from two different countries, and each may have a different language, a different culture and even a different religion. Here the father takes precedence. In other words, such a relationship succeeds when the wife and children follow the father to his country and to his language, his culture, even his religion. These take precedence over the country and the language and culture of the woman. Does this push the woman into the background? Not at all. It is only a matter of precedence. That is why the children also take over their mother's homeland, language and culture, but secondary to their father's homeland, language and culture.

It is different when the mother has to provide for the family's livelihood. Then she takes over the first position as described above with regard to the father, and the father takes over the secondary position. Naturally, the mother takes first place in the beginning in relation to the children. She gives birth to the children and nourishes them and cares for them above all. In this way she necessarily involves them in a special way. Only after a while does the father come to her side on an equal basis. He introduces the children to the world outside the family and ensures their future in a male way. Therefore it is important that the mother leads the children to their father in an equal way and leaves them to him. What I have described here is the external side. It often stands in the way of both the mother and the father remaining intimately bound to their family of origin by their conscience. Therefore both try to educate the children according to the guidelines of their own family of origin and against the guidelines of their partner's family. Nowadays the mother often takes the lead and alienates the children from their father. To grant him and his family the same position here would be the decisive step towards full equality. This also applies vice versa, of course.

What is the result here? A happy couple and happy children.

Growing up without the father

At our father's hand

If we wanted to go too high, how do we get back down to the ground of real life? We come down at our father's hand. He, above all, must face real life. That is the only way to ensure the survival of his family. At least that's how it used to be.

But what is it like for many sons of today when they have to grow up without their father? For example because the mother has separated from him and the children have to stay in her domain, largely separated from the father? Do they still stay on the ground? Or do they perhaps climb up because the mother looks at them more, looks at them with pride, instead of at the father of her children, whose greatness she acknowledges? If the sons remain under their mother's spell and they ascend following her will, are they in tune with the earth and in its service? Do these sons often experience detachment and do others see them as well? Where is their real strength? Here the question arises: Where do we find and remain in that other consciousness that brings us into harmony with the whole, so that we become one with everything as it is and as it comes, without bumping into it? We find there above all with and beside our Father.

If we apply these observations to the Christian religions, especially to the Catholic religion, which is largely a male-dominated one, where do the fathers have a place here? Are the fathers pushed into the background by mothers, in whose place the celibate men take the first place? We need only think of the veneration of Mary and the celibacy that is ultimately connected with it. For this religion, the Father exists above all as God the Father, as a father without a woman, and therefore no real father. The real fathers have very little space beside him. Or does this God the Father have a wife, a Mother Goddess?  We experience the church as his wife. How do we return to the fathers in and after the Christian religion? We come back from heaven to earth, from above again to the bottom. How do the mothers feel about this? They also come back to earth with the fathers, with their husbands and sons. 

How does is this fortune of the earth and its consciousness? Is it becoming less? Is it becoming more? Does it connect instead of divide? Does it stay at the bottom with everything else?

In tune with our father

The spirit and our father

We constantly distinguish between body and spirit, often in the sense that the spirit is higher and superior and the body in its service. That is why we often neglect our body, even placing ourselves above and against it. For example, by a far-reaching renunciation or by endangering it for goals outside of it that seem more important to us, and sacrificing its well-being for something beyond it.

Something similar applies when we speak of our consciousness, especially of a higher consciousness. With this idea we place ourselves above our body and above everything that creatively serves its survival in every moment by renewing it and healing its wounds. Can something in our mind, however great and groundbreaking it may seem to us, be compared to this spiritual achievement? Is there anything more absurd and spiritless than the attitude that tries to put the body at the service of the spirit? For example, through renunciation? In what light do many spiritual paths appear here and with them many religions? Where is the spirit in them? Where is the superior other comprehensive consciousness? Where is the consciousness of the earth? Where is their spirit here? Where is the father here? What is holy here?

Is the return to the origin, the return to the earth and to those forces, which from below keep everything that is present in existence, the decisive progress? How different would we be? How different the world? How different love and the love of life? Here I would like to draw our attention to a picture that we have largely pushed into the background in view of the spirit and of a comprehensive consciousness.

It is the image and meaning of our father.

A father is more than a man. Therefore, what I say about the father cannot be placed in opposition to the woman, but it is in contrast to the mother. The mother tends to draw a child to herself, especially a son, and thus away from his father. From what does she also pull the child and the son away? She draws it away from the earth and its body and thus most directly from that creative spirit that keeps the earth and everything that lives on it and is there, in every moment, directly in existence and alive. The spirit, as we largely imagine it, is in contrast to the earth and what flourishes on it. Therefore, we rather connect the spirit with something that transcends the earth and all existence on it. That is why many people, especially in religions, place the spirit in an area beyond the earth and the body, in a so-called supernatural area, with all the consequences that this idea brings with it in our attitude towards the earth and our body. Similarly, when we speak of a higher consciousness, of another future consciousness, which overcomes and exceeds our so-called past and narrower consciousness. This path is sought above all by those sons who are to be taken away from their father by their mother and destined and prepared for something so-called higher. The father, however, especially because he sees his life in the service of the survival of his children and their mother and for this he puts everything else aside and has to put it behind him, inevitably remains in the service of the earth and in the service of its progress, in the service of its spirit. Is it therefore conceivable for us that a father renounces the earth? That he renounces the earth and the life on it, as if they came second and last? From this point of view, where does the future of the earth and of life on it lie? In what other attitude and in what other consciousness? Where do we find that other love? Where the other responsible action? Where the spirit, which is directly experienced at work in all that exists in us and in our world, in a way that saves and heals us?

Here we could also ask: Where do we find God? Where and how do we experience ourselves in a comprehensive spiritual and religious way? And, how do we find our way back into this spiritual consciousness? We find back in tune with our father.

Former partners

About former partners of parents or grandparents.

One can observe that the former partners of parents or grandparents in the later marriage, after separation from the former partners, are represented by children in the new marriage. Unconsciously. No one becomes aware of it, not even the parents. This is why children sometimes behave strangely. Then the parents wonder: What's wrong with them? For example, if the daughter is angry at her father even though he is full of love for her. But suddenly she is internally possessed by the father's former wife and lives out the anger of the father's former wife against her father.

This is something you have to know. Many difficulties with children come from having to represent former partners. Or difficulties that children have with their parents or parents with their children.

Here the solution is that the former partner is recognized. Often the former partner is accused that he or she was not the right one or did something wrong. Then one looks for a reason to be angry with them and to justify the separation. This is not possible. In such a separation everyone is involved and no one is guilty in that sense. You can't blame anyone either. Love must be maintained despite the separation.

We can recover this later. For example, that the parents look at their former partners with respect and acknowledge that they loved them. And that the love still remains in their heart. And that they acknowledge what good they have received from their partner and that they also allow their partner all the good they have given them. Then they tell them: "Look, now I have another woman - or another man - and have children. Look gently upon them." They all do it. Once someone is honored, a former partner, and the love that was present is honored, they are gentle. Then the children are free.

It's also a very simple thing for life assistance. If you know that, you can put a lot of things in order at once, quite simply. You can do that in your own soul.

If a child feels that it has to represent a former partner, it can also do that for itself and say, "Look, I know how my father loved you. I acknowledge that and look at you with kindness, too. But my mother is a different one. Now look gently on my mother, on my father and on me." They do that then. People are like that. If we're gentle, they're gentle.