Success in Life and Profession

Fulfillment in personal areas, relationships, family and in work and career follow the same laws of success and failure, happiness and unhappiness, orders in life and in love. Many aspects and events we experience how to deal with them correctly.

Basics


We believe that we have to be successful in order to be happy. Is that true?Aren't we more successful when we're happy?

Every time we succeed, the bar is raised:  You got good grades, now you have to get even better grades. You have achieved your sales goals, now they are being raised. We focus more on problems than on solutions. The result is discontent, insecurity, motivation difficulties and constant failures in private and professional life.

Solutions


We explore the contexts and circumstances that restricted our lives early on and subsequently had a deep impact on success in our personal and professional relationships.

Education

Education for what?
Education serves life, it prepares us for the most important things in our lives. What is the most important thing?

Health
The most important thing in life is to stay alive. Therefore, education prepares us to know and experience how to feed ourselves in a way that we remain healthy and able to pass on our personal life with the help of a partner.

Our own family
Education should enable the children and young people to enter into a sustainable relationship with a partner later on. Therefore, through education, they are introduced to the basic laws of human relationships as they have come to light through Family Constellation. This includes:

  • a. Completeness

Everyone who has once belonged has the same right to belong. If they are denied this right, they are later represented by a child who takes over their fate without realizing it. That is why, in the education of those who expect something decisive from us, we look for that which has not been mentioned in their origins, in order to bring it home to their soul. In this way they are released from the entanglement in what is missing in their family. 

The question is: how can the educator succeed in helping the student to find this release?

If the educator has previously found freedom in themselves and in their family and has found back to unity with all, that is, if they have become empty of these entanglements. The parents must first become empty of these entanglements. They pass on to their children the entanglements in which they were caught. Therefore, educators involve the parents of their students in this movement. How? First, with respect for their involvement and without reproach. They are on the side of the parents just as they are on the side of their children. Education thus becomes a service to life in a comprehensive sense.

  • b. The right position

Closely related to this order is a second one. It assigns an unmistakable position to each one. The order of precedence is determined by the time of entry into this life. That is, one who was born earlier has a higher position than one who came into this life after them. Therefore the parents have a higher position than the children and the first-born child has a higher position than the second born after it.

This order of precedence applies to all organizations. Therefore, the educator has a higher rank than the student and the parents have a higher rank than the educator. At the same time those who were there before serve those who come after them. Thus the parents serve and support the teachers, and both parents and teachers serve the children.

Our own profession
In education, many people assume that it serves primarily to prepare for professional life. This takes up most of the time and requires full commitment. But later on, the profession serves primarily to earn one's own living and with it the support of the family, which passes on life to its children. The educators have this hierarchy in mind when they prepare their students for their later profession. In this way the school and the educators are involved in a comprehensive sense through the parents in the service of life and its passing on to the next generation. 
What would be the disorder here? If work and professional life absorb the family, if parents are taken up by work in such a way that the care and education of children is passed on to substitutes, including teachers and educators, the basic order of passing on life is violated.
The question is: Can educators direct this movement in a way that respects the basic order and, within the limits set for them, give parents and children and their relationship the place they deserve? One possibility is if educators involve parents to a large extent in their care for their children and keep them informed.

Politics
This already pushes the educators to their limits. In a clear sense, this is a challenge for politicians and employers. They must guarantee the conditions that enable parents and, through them, educators to give the highest good that we have the place and time they deserve: children.

Changes

Different

What we imagine about ourselves and about the world appears different after a while. Therefore, our ideas turn out to be temporary. They make room for new insights and experiences. And our current ideas and expectations are soon different. So why rely on them or even expect them to be fulfilled? The next moment is already different, our view of our future becomes different in every moment, our picture of what counts becomes different. So why commit ourselves to a certain idea of what is and what will be? Everything will be different anyway. Our experience teaches us that we must constantly adjust to something different. When we know this, we remain without far-reaching plans and without hopes and goals. We let ourselves be guided from moment to moment, always different and always new.

Outrage

When someone is outraged about something bad, they seem to be on the side of good and against evil, on the side of right and against wrong. They step in between the perpetrators and the victims in order to ward off further evil. But then again, they could also step between them with love, and certainly better than that. So what does the outraged person want? And what are they really doing?

The outraged person behaves as if they were a victim without being one themselves. They claim for themselves the right to demand satisfaction from the perpetrators, without any injustice having been done to them. They make themselves the victims' lawyer as if they had transferred the right to represent them unto them and then leave them without rights. And what does the outraged person do with this entitlement? They take the liberty of doing harm to the perpetrators without the fear of serious personal consequences; for since their evil deeds appear in the light of good, they need not fear punishment.

In order that the outrage may remain justified, the outraged person dramatizes both the injustice suffered and the consequences of the guilt. They intimidate the victims to see the injustice in the same terrible light as they do. Otherwise, they too become suspicious in the victim's eyes and must fear to become victims of their outrage themselves, as if they were perpetrators.

In the face of outrage, the victims can hardly leave their suffering behind and the perpetrators can hardly leave the consequences of their guilt behind. If it were left to the victims and perpetrators themselves to seek balance and reconciliation, they could allow each other a new beginning. But this is difficult to do in the face of outrage, for outraged people are usually not satisfied until they have destroyed and humiliated the perpetrators, even if it makes the victims' suffering worse.

Outrage is first and foremost moral. In other words, it is not about helping someone, but about enforcing a claim as the executor of which the outraged person presents themselves and feels. Therefore, unlike someone who loves, they know no pity and no moderation.

Addiction

There is a relatively clear dynamic in the case of addictive behaviour: As a rule, the mother has told the children: What comes from your father is bad. Only what comes from me is good. TAKE ONLY FROM ME!

The addiction is then the secret revenge against the mother. Addiction is only cured when the father is included. When the father is respected again and the addict says, "Dear Dad. Now I'll take everything you give me."

They say to the mother, "I let you bear that I honor and love my father, and I want to take from him all the good things he gives me." This breaks the dynamic.

Of course, all addictions also have a physical component. One cannot and must not limit this to the systemic aspect. It is only one aspect, one contribution among many that help.

Prejudice

Prejudice means that we associate something we don't know with something we do know or, worse, that we associate it with something we don't know either. Prejudice is both positive and negative. One awakens from both when we get to know the unknown. For example, when after falling in love, which is also a prejudice, you see the other person as they really are and how different they are.
This then paves the way for appreciation, which opens up for the other and lets us step out of our previous confinement into the open and the wide. Prejudice always has to do with limitation and with judging according to familiar and therefore limited ideas and images.

As, by the way, every evaluation or judgement, whether positive or negative, because it separates the one from the other and closes itself off to what is opposed to it. Through the evaluation we differentiate and thereby open up diversity. But only cognitively, not with the soul. The soul also connects that which is opposed to it and thereby shows its vastness and power.

The negative prejudice or judgement of course restricts us most, especially because it is usually accompanied by a feeling of superiority, often also by a feeling of outrage and, connected with this, also with thoughts and wishes of revenge. 

Many prejudices and judgments are connected with the fact that we look at others from the point of view of our conscience, which divides the others into those who are allowed to belong and those who must be excluded.

These prejudices are also connected with the fact that we think that the others who are different are free and only have to show good will to be different, and so do we. But neither we nor they are free with our values and prejudices. They and we are entangled in the fates of our ancestors and our group in many ways. When we see through this, we become cautious and moderate, both with regard to others and with regard to ourselves and our judgments.

Perhaps then we will slowly succeed in forgetting them.

Mourning

Sometimes it seems as if some of the deceased are only slowly leaving us. It's as if they stay around for a while. Those who have not been mourned, who have not been respected or forgotten, stay especially for a long time.

The ones who stay longest are those you don't want to know about or are afraid of. Mourning succeeds when one abandons oneself to pain and through pain respects and appreciates the dead. When the dead are mourned and honored, they retreat. Then life is over for them and they can be dead.

Death is the fulfillment of our life.

When we have this image of death, our attitude is different. This is also true for those who died very early, also for children who were born dead.  The essential remains before and after. From there we emerge through life, and there we fall back after life.

When we let go of the dead, they have a beneficial effect on us. This does not require any pressure or special effort on our part. On the other hand, those who mourn for a long time hold on to the dead, even though they want to leave. We often find long mourning where someone still owes the dead and does not acknowledge it.
Lovers do not mourn for very long. When one has loved and mourned, life may continue, and the beloved dead consent to this.