- Bert Hellinger
- Sophie Hellinger
- Family Constellation
- Cosmic Power®
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The Hellinger sciencia® Constellations by Bert and Sophie Hellinger are mediated through the Hellinger®schule and their lecturers in the training course for “Original Hellinger® Family Constellators“ worldwide.
Orders of Success
Often we distinguish between the realms of family, personal fulfillment, and personal happiness in relationships on the one hand, and the realm of work and its successes and relationships on the other, as if we were able or permitted to separate them. They still follow the same laws of success and failure, and of fortune and misfortune, the same laws and orders in life and in love.
In the beginning, family constellations were applied primarily to personal relationships. They brought to light the fundamental orders of love, according to which our relationships succeed or fail.
As I began to investigate the laws of success and failure in work and profession, and increasingly also in business and organizations, it became apparent that they, too, followed the same orders.
Applying family-constellations in the field of enterprise and profession showed that this only became possible in the present form of constellation work. Insights that lead me further opened up realms that were inaccessible before. They move far beyond the boundaries of the conscience that was instilled in us as children. This kind of conscience also poses limitations to success, though we may not even be fully aware of it.
Our life’s successes
Our first and decisive success in life was our birth. It succeeded in the best and most supportive way, if we had to push our way through to the light with our own effort, without external intervention. Here we had to prove our capacity to forcefully assert ourselves. This success keeps on supporting us throughout our life. From this experience we gain the strength to also assert ourselves successfully later on.
Am I going too far here? What does this experience of achievement have to do with success in our work and our profession? Does our success later in life really depend on this first success, to quite an extent?
People who came into he world via caesarean, or who had to be pulled into life with forceps, how do they behave later on as a child and as an adult? Or if they came too early and then had to spend weeks or even months in an incubator? How are they doing with their self-reliance and their assertiveness?
Of course the effects of such early experiences can be overcome at a later date, at least partially. As with any difficulty or burden, we can also gain special strengths from them later.
Still, they also pose limitations and become a challenge that we might be more able to overcome, once we understand their roots. Then we might be able to make up for what was lost, or even regain it, in some other way, often with the help of others.
Finding our mother and taking her
The next decisive event and the next success is the movement to our mother, who is now a vis-à-vis to us, there to take us to her breasts and feed us. With her milk we take life from her again, this time from outside her.
What is the quality of success in this, preparing us for our later successes in life and in our work?
Taking her as the fountain of our life, with everything that flows over from her to us, we take our own existence; to the extent we take our mother, we take our life as a whole. This taking is active. We need to suck in order for her milk to flow. We need to call out in order for her to come. We need to rejoice in what she gives us, and to show it. Through her we become rich.
Later in life it shows: Those who succeeded in fully taking their mother like this, they become successful and happy. For as we relate to our mother, so we relate to our life in general, and also to our work-life. To the extent that we reject our mother, we also reject life and our work and our occupation. And correspondingly, to the same extent, our life and our work and our profession reject us.
In the same way as people are happy about their mother, they enjoy their life and their work. Like their mother gives to them, more and more as they take from her with love, to the same degree, their life and their work give them success.
Those who have reservations against their mothers, also have reservations against life and against happiness. Just as their mothers withdraw from them as a result of their reservations and rejection, so life and success withdraw from them as well.
Where does our success begin? It begins with our mother. How does our success come to us? How can it come? When our mother is welcome to come to us, and when we honor her as our mother.
The movement towards our mother
For many people, there are some early experiences that stand in the way of them taking their mother. They experienced an early separation from their mother. For instance when they were given away for some time, or when the mother was ill, or they themselves were ill, and their mother was not allowed to visit them. Having had such experiences results in deep-seated changes in our feelings and behavior from thereon.
The pain of separation and the sense of being lost without her, the despair, not being able to be with her, her, whom we would have needed so much, these feelings lead to some inner decision. For instance: “I give up.” “I remain alone.” “I keep my distance from her.” I turn away from her.”
Later, when such a child is allowed to go to its mother again, it often keeps away from her. It might not let the mother touch it, it closes off to her and to her love. It is waiting for her in vain, and when she tries to come closer, to take her child into her arms, the child remains in inner rejection, and often also expresses it.
The consequences of an interrupted movement
The early interruption of the movement to the mother has far reaching consequences for our life and our success later on. How does it show in particular?
When children with such an experience want to go to someone later in life, to a partner for instance, their body remembers the trauma of the early separation. Then they pause in their movement. Instead of going to the other, they wait for the other to come to them. Often, when the other does come, they have trouble bearing the closeness. They reject the other one way or another, instead of happily welcoming their partner. This causes them suffering, but still they can only open up to the other with reservation, and if at all, often for only a short time.
They have similar experiences with their own children. They can have trouble bearing their child’s closeness.
What is the solution here? This trauma is overcome where it came from. And generally, behind practically every trauma is a situation where a movement would have been necessary, but it was impossible. Instead, we remained stuck, frozen on the spot.
How can such trauma, such frozenness, be resolved? The trauma is resolved in our feeling and in our memory, when in spite of our fears, we return into the painful situation and do now what was impossible then. We take up the interrupted movement and we move to where we longed to move then.
What does this mean for an early interruption in our movement to our mother? We go back into the situation as it was long ago, once more we become the child of those days, we look at our mother as we did then. Even though the pain and frustration and rage we felt then, is welling up inside us, we take one little step towards her – with love.
We pause, we look into her eyes and we wait for the courage and the strength to take the next little step. Again we pause, sensing and consciously acknowledging our feelings inside, and we bear them, with love for ourselves and for our mother. And then, we bravely take the next little step, and again, slowly, one little step after another, until in the end we land in our mother’s arms, letting go of all resistance, falling into her body, embraced, tightly held by her, at last back with our mother, together again, with all our child love that never left her or us, feeling her mother love that never left us either, all one with her again.
Later we test, here also at first in an inner movement, whether we might also succeed in this movement towards our beloved partner. We look into our partner’s eyes, and instead of waiting for the other to come to us, we take the first little step to our partner. Then after a while, when we have collected enough reassurance, we move our other foot forward. So, slowly, little step by little step, slowly gaining confidence, step by step, we go forward, until finally, we take our beloved into our arms, and our partner’s arms come around us, we hold each other, easing into being held, still continuing the movement towards one another, we let our bodies and souls find each other more and more deeply, and we remain like this for a long time, in happiness.
The movement towards success
Why did I describe this in so much detail? An early disruption in the movement towards our mother shows up later as a decisive obstacle to our success in work, in our profession, in our enterprise. Here, too, it is of great importance that we go towards success instead of waiting for it to come to us. For instance when we expect returns without having delivered the corresponding effort and achievement, when we push others to do the work instead of getting into it ourselves, when we rather withdraw than joyfully go to people and to some work. Every success has the face of our mother.
So here, too, we practice this as an inner movement to our success, to other people, in our willingness to achieve something for them, prepared to serve them. Instead of hesitating, standing still, and waiting for them to move.
So we go towards them, we go towards our success, step by step; and in every step, we sense our mother, lovingly behind us. In closeness with her, we are well equipped for our success and we will arrive there, like we did manage to reunite with our mother. First we went to her, and now to our success.
Kindly turned to others
Kindly turning to someone is a movement that begins in our heart. It comes easily once we have successfully turned to our mother.
But what if something stood in the way of our turning to her or if it was disrupted early in our life? Then as a consequence, instead of turning to others and to ourselves with love and respect, we have been turning away from ourselves and from others. Turning away becomes our basic inner and outer movement in our relationships, including our relationships to success.
The question is: How can the movement of turning away, be turned around, into a turning towards our life, to other people, to our success, to our happiness?
I suggest an inner exercise for this. With its help, you can perceive the inner movements in your body, first that of turning away; then you can turn it around into an all-encompassing turning to – movement.
Here’s the exercise
1. We sit upright on the edge of a chair, and we breathe out deeply, through our mouth, and in through our nose. We keep our eyes open and repeat this breathing twice. Then we close our eyes and breathe normally. Our hands rest on our thighs with our palms turned upwards.
2. Slowly we stretch our arms out in front of us, further and further, reaching out to someone. We remain sitting upright, sensing how our back becomes more upright as we reach out with our arms further and further. In our mind, we reach out to our mother.
3. Remaining in this position, we become aware how many times in our life, in how many ways, we have turned away from others, instead of turning towards them. We remain in this position, even if it is still difficult for us for the moment. We move our arms and our open hands forward even more, while still holding our back upright.
4. Slowly and gently we open our eyes. Without moving, our eyes perceive our environment all at once, as a whole. We are turning to it, to the front, to each side, and even to the back.
5. We also turn our ears to our environment. We open them wide, ready and willing to hear everything and anything others want us to know, and together with them we experience ourselves turned to our mother and to many other people, in love and confidence, at one with them.
6. We take another three deep breaths. First we breathe out, then we breathe in and out three times. We remain sitting upright, our back straight, slightly leaning forward.
7. Suddenly we feel a different connection with many people, our eyes wide open and shining, with our ears open to them, we feel ourselves turning to them differently, also to those we are connected with through our profession and through our business.
What happens to our success now? Does it still keep us waiting? What happens to our joy and to our happiness? They also turn to us, like our mother.
What does business consultancy mean here?
The kind of consultancy I will demonstrate and let you experience here concerns primarily the relationships within businesses and work situations. We will look at the interconnectedness between success in human relationships and success in business and professional contexts. There are other fields that also play an important role for success in business and work, such as the practical ability and general capacity of the people. But here our focus is on the relationships between everyone involved.
The management consultancy that deals with concrete matters is largely scientific. It is an important sphere, and it is fully acknowledged here, but within the more global guidance drawn from a wider view of human interaction and deep-seated influences on failure and success.
Another difference between this perspective and traditional guidance in this area is that I have no contracts with any businesses. People have sought me out of their own accord, often out of curiosity, with no particular problem in mind. They attend one of the courses I offer on the topic of “Laws of success in business and organizations,” coming together in order to learn from the presentation, and from each other, with the help of family constellations. At the close they return to their varied businesses and other workplaces, self-reliant and independent of me. We part in mutual respect – each one of us independently successful.
In many regards, we can plan success. We can and must plan success also scientifically, pursue it with scientifically proven methods, for every progress follows new scientific insights. In this regard, clear thinking and clear logics and precise application of scientifically gained insights are basic requirements for our success in those fields of life, that safeguard and promote success in our profession, in our work, and in the businesses and organizations we work in. There is no question about that.
Science leads to success where it also considers and follows up on those spheres of life that fall into the domain of wisdom. More precisely, the laws that apply in the domain of wisdom, are laws of love, of a love that serves life, our own life and the lives of many others.
Wherever there were relationships, events, and situations in our life, where, knowingly or unknowingly, we broke or had to break these laws of love, it has immediate effects on the success in our work and in our profession. These offences destroy much success or even hinder it right from the start.
This book is about the wisdom of success, about the foundations and requirements that often remain hidden from us, and about the laws of love that allow for success and safeguard it.
How does wisdom come to us? How does it reveal itself? How can we experience it directly? It comes to us, when we have come to our limits, the limits of our knowledge and to the limits of what is possible for us with the help of our own devices. At these very limits wisdom makes itself felt. It reveals itself through its effects either way, in the case of success, and in the case of failure.
How do I become and remain a good entrepreneur?
First: By having something to offer that serves others. The more they need it, the more important is what I can offer. In that case there is no further obstacle to my success.
What qualities define entrepreneurs? They have what others need, and they make it available to them. The more they have of what others need, the higher their prestige and their success.
Conclusion: Entrepreneurs serve. The more important their service, the greater their influence.
Second: Entrepreneurs need helpers. They must attract employees and educate and train them, so that what the enterprise offers is produced, marketed, and sold the best way.
So, what they have to offer, they must produce and also sell.
Third: Entrepreneurs must lead. They lead through their ideas. They lead through the production. They lead through selling and everything that goes with it.
Fourth: Entrepreneurs face competition. Through competition they improve their product. Through this, those who need it, are served all the better.
Fifth: Entrepreneurs defend their enterprises against encroachment and safeguard them accordingly. They remain self assured and self reliant.
Sixth: Entrepreneurs know that they depend on others with whom they have to cooperate. They know how to gain and to keep these others.
Seventh: Entrepreneurs love their success, it makes them happy. When an entrepreneur is happy and shows it, the employees and their families are also happy.
Eighth: Entrepreneurs form a community of solidarity with many. They know the happiness of many depend on their success. Hence they increase it with the help of many who help them to safeguard the livelihood of many.
Ninth: Entrepreneurs find the right time to hand their enterprise over to suitable successors. They leave them room to move, which they need to be successful. Yet they continue to remain their enterprise’s soul. Their benevolent spirit lives on in the enterprise.
Tenth: Entrepreneurs go along with the development, that the enterprise must take, even if this is not in line with their ideas. They leave their enterprise to the river of time that eventually overtakes them, and they follow their journey with thoughts of good will.
References to new books of Bert Hellinger on the Orders of Success
Success in Life, Success in Business
How they succeed together
108 pages. 1. Edition 2009
ISBN 978-3-00-029157-9 Hellinger Publications
This long-awaited book offers an uncommon perspective on one of the most common questions that people have: how to attain and maintain success in our work life. Familiar to many are the books comprised of techniques and tools designed for achieving this goal. And equally familiar to many is the corresponding disappointment when these techniques and tools are not effective in the long run.
At the heart of Bert Hellinger’s perspective is the understanding that the problem is not in the strategies themselves but in a fundamental disconnection between how we approach life and how we approach work. The two cannot be separated.
Succinct and profound, this book bridges the gap, explaining how rejection in one area is often translated into rejection in the other.
an interruption in the movement to the mother has led to recurrent self-sabotage in the workplace,
old models of masters and slaves are still influencing the current dynamics of an organization,
the entrepreneur cannot follow through because her underlying attention is with the dead,
a product or vision is out of alignment with the good of the people for whom it is meant,
judgment steeped in generational prejudices are fragmenting the work team.
More generally, perhaps current work-related quests often meet unseen resistance that is actually located in the unreconciled scenarios of the past rather than in the details of the present. The discussion here is about the deep principles of success in all spheres of life. Once this type of backdrop is in place, achieving success is no longer in the chase but in being in tune with what actually wants to happen when we are prepared.
Stories of Success in Business and Profession
Paperback, 244 pages 1. Edition 2009
ISBN 978-3-00-029328-3 Hellinger Publications
This book draws from life’s fullness. It stays close to the pulse of life and tells stories: gripping stories, where we hold our breath at times, and stories of relief, where we experience with the people involved, how the decisive steps were taken successfully. Sometimes it also tells tragic stories, where failure is looming on the horizon and appears inevitable. However, even these stories show how something can begin anew, differently, in the service of life, in the service of our lives and in the service of many others.
Topics of Business Consultancy
190 Pages. 1. edition 2009.
ISBN 978-3-00-029320-7 Hellinger Publications
This third volume in the series: Orders of Success deals with specific topics that decide over success or failure, either because their significance is not understood or because it is knowingly disregarded.
This book goes beyond the narrow frame of reference of primarily object- focused consultancy. This consultancy includes all of life. It acknowledges that enterprises and professions remain embedded into the larger process of life, serving as well as obeying them.
Like the other books in this series, preceding this one, it is also a book of wisdom. Many insights that may shock you at first, will prove themselves to be consoling. They serve another love, a wide, encompassing love. They reconcile and unite what has been separated for a long time; and they lead to another, a different, a more encompassing and richer success and happiness.
You can order these books at www.Hellinger-Shop.com